A New Perspective on Stress

A New Site Concept
I've decided that a blog is not the best tool for accomplishing what I want to do with this site. A blog is designed to be date/time focused, not topic focused. It's great for journaling, or for doing time sensitive commentary. It's not great for doing topical sites like what I want to do. So I've been working for the last month on a new solution. I'm in the process of building it, and am excited about it's potential. But in the mean time, I thought I would post on this blog some of what I've been writing for the new site about a topic we all have first hand experience with- STRESS!. So this post will basically be taken from what I've been writing for this new site. When the new site is ready, I'll post on it's launch. In the mean time, here's some of what I have to say about stress.

WARNING: If you are searching for lasting stress relief from some source outside of yourself, you’ve come to the wrong place and you’ll be happier in front a different kind of monitor (TV).

However, if you’ve tried a bunch of temporary solutions like pills, potions, aromatherapy, massage, retreats books and seminars, you’ve probably already realized they don’t really cure the source of your stress. If you’re ready to undertake the challenging but rewarding job of really understanding what stress is and how YOU can relieve it at its source (YOU)- then this is a place that just might help you really and finally relieve your stress and in the process- dramatically improve your life in every aspect- physically, emotionally, mentally, spiritually, financially, and relationshiply (yes I know that’s not a real word, but I didn’t want to break the string of –ly adjectives).

Stress comes in countless forms, and for many, is a constant, nagging companion that weighs us down, blinding us to the brilliant beauty all around us, sapping our strength and energy, and leaving us feeling tired, frustrated, anxious and dull. Stress keeps us from fully enjoying the present, from appreciating the past and from looking forward to the future. Stress wreaks havoc with our emotions, our health and our relationships. Stress keeps us operating at just a small fraction of our true potential- like a fruit tree whose roots and branches are choked out by weeds and therefore whose harvest is meager and bitter compared to what it has the potential of being.

Stress truly has a multitude of negative effects on our lives and it manifests itself in a myriad of different symptoms. But I’m about to make a really bold claim.

While the manifestations of stress are many, the causes of stress are one and therefore its cure is one!

Sound overly simplistic? I understand why you might think that- especially if you have an advanced degree of some kind from a University. Yet that is my claim-- arrived at after many years of study, searching and experimenting with life and despite my own University and post graduate degrees.

What is that cause? What is that cure? Here it is- right up front- no teasers, no beating around the bush:


More...
CAUSE: Being out of alignment with our true divine nature.

CURE: Becoming aligned with our true divine nature.

That’s it in a nutshell. Problem solved? Not yet- not even close- but at least understanding this one thing puts us on the right path- the path of cause and not effect. The deeper path of source and not the many dead end surface paths of symptoms. The true “road less traveled.” This path will not just bring temporary relief of stress, but a fundamental increase in your capacity to see clearly and quickly what is out of alignment within and fix it yourself.

This entire site is dedicated to the cause of helping you get on this deeper path of inner divine alignment and make the “journey within” that will be a lifetime journey, and really a timeless journey beyond just a brief lifetime. The relieving of stress is really just one of many bonuses to making this journey. It is one of the first signs that you are on the right path. The further you go on this journey down the right path, the more peaceful and less stressful you will feel- because the more peaceful and more aligned with your own divinity you will become.

The goal of this site is to help you discover and connect to your own “divine” nature and then regularly “align” with that nature so that you can more effectively “shine” in your world- by loving, lifting and serving those around you and making the contribution to your world that you were meant to make.

D-A-S Circle
I created the diagram at the beginning of this post to help illustrate the purpose of this site. I call it the D-A-S Circle.
- D for Divine
- A for Align
- S for Shine


This will be the overarching structure my new site will be built around. Every article I write will tie into one or more of the elements of this diagram.

- At the core of the diagram is SPIRIT. This is because this is what is at the core of each of us. This is the DIVINE that is within us all.

- Surrounding this divine core are eight spheres or areas of our nature that need to be understood and consciously brought into alignment with our divine core. They have specifically been ordered in the way they are because they build on each other sequentially. As we develop each one, we free up attention and energy to be available to work on the next one. This is especially true of the first three- Self Esteem, Self Leadership and Health & Fitness. Until we have a solid foundation in Self Esteem, our attention will be too trapped there to be able to make the changes needed in Self Leadership and until we have a solid foundation in Self Leadership, we won't be able to sustain the discipline needed to achieve the level of life energy that comes from good health and fitness practices. But the eight realms are also inter-related and ultimately connected to the core of SPIRIT so that progress made in one sphere will positively impact all other spheres simultaneously. So I encourage you to start at the top and go around the circle clockwise, but also to listen to your inner coach and delve into any area that pulls at your interest more than others.

- At 12 o’clock is the realm of Self-Esteem, and going clockwise around the circle are Self-Leadership, Health and Fitness, Money & Work, Mind & Beliefs, Intuition, Emotions, and Fear & Shadow. Understanding and mastering these eight worlds is a life-long process of continually going deeper and constantly aligning with SPIRIT. So it’s not one time around and you’re there. It really is an “eternal circle” or “spiral” which can spin upwards or downwards. You may have already had lots of experience with the downward, negative spiral. We’re going to try to reverse that into a positive, upward spiral.

- The two outer rings of RELATIONSHIPS and CONTRIBUTION represent how all of this manifests itself in our world. The end purpose of DIVINE and ALIGN is to go forth and SHINE! To serve and lift others, to relieve suffering around us and to contribute to our world that which we are meant to contribute. As you look honestly at these outward indicators in your own life, you will be able to get a sense of your own internal alignment. To the extent that there is stress or strain in your relationships- be they with spouses, ex-spouses, children, parents, friends, bosses, co-workers, relatives or even just fellow “anonymous” human beings you run across on the roads, in shops, standing in line, or even watch on TV or hear about on the radio or read about in the paper, then you know you’ve got some alignment work to do on yourself- not on others. To the extent that you feel you are currently not contributing all you are capable of contributing to your world- all you were meant to contribute, then you’ve got some internal alignment work to do.

The good news is that as you already know- we all have a lot of internal alignment work to do, so you're in good company.

Symptoms of Stress
So, even though we’ve now covered that all stress has one cause, it’s important to be more aware of the many different symptoms or manifestations of stress so we can better recognize it in our lives.

Physical Level
On the physical level stress manifests itself in headaches, tight/stiff muscles, a stiff neck, dry mouth, shallow breathing, and low energy to name just a few symptoms. Eventually if we don’t relieve the stress, these “minor” physical symptoms will begin to manifest in a multitude of “major” physical diseases (dis-ease is just another name for stress). The list is too long- and probably more inclusive than current medical science will admit- although doctors and medical researchers have already linked stress as a causal factor in hundreds of diseases. Of course genetics and diet are causal factors as well- but really it’s all linked. We each come with our own unique genetic weaknesses and pre-dispositions. Stress will manifest itself in the “dis-ease” that each one of us is genetically pre-disposed to be weakest for- in other words, stress will find the weakest link in the system first. Stress eventually breaks down our physical body by first blocking the natural flow of the energy body and then disrupting the natural weather patterns of the emotional body. This in turn causes us to engage in non-productive habits of unhealthy eating, drinking, and other stress “coping” mechanisms- thus creating a negative spiral that eventually shows up on level of the physical or surface body.

Emotional Level
On the emotional level stress manifests itself in a wide range of feelings- here are some in order of increasing negativity: irritation, impatience, overwhelm, disappointment, frustration, worry, doubt, discouragement, blame, anger, rage, hatred, revenge, insecurity, envy, guilt, unworthiness, depression, despair, hopelessness. These are all emotional “re-actions” meaning, responses to some thought that is believed as true.

Thought Level
While stress manifests itself in the physical and emotional realms, a closer examination will show that there is a deeper causal realm underneath both body and emotion- that is the realm of thought. All stress- when examined closely enough will ultimately reveal itself as a thought or belief. These stressful thoughts or beliefs come in many varieties, but they are all related and none of them are unique to you. That’s right, sorry to break it to your inner victim, you’re problems are not unique. In fact they’ve been around since the beginning of history. And they all have one thing in common-

They all RESIST WHAT IS.

Some of the basic families of stressful “resisting what is” thought are:
1) The “SHOULD BE DIFFERENT” family. Something or someone SHOULD BE DIFFERENT than it is. Most of our relationship stresses and general dissatisfaction with life fall into this category.
2) The “NOT GOOD ENOUGH” family. You are somehow NOT GOOD ENOUGH to do this or that, or someone else is better or more talented or more capable. Most of our fears that hold us back fall into this category.
3) The “TRYING TO CONTROL THE UNCONTROLLABLE” family. Wanting things or people or anything else outside of your control to change, but not able to change them (surprise, surprise). What is in your control? It’s a really short list- so short it has only one thing in it: YOUR BEHAVIOR. Most of our worries and anxieties about the future fall into this category.
4) The “ATTACHMENT TO THE TEMPORARY” family. Wanting things to stay the same when by their very nature that is impossible. Death, disease, loss, betrayal, aging and more fall into this category.

We’ll deal with this more in the Mind & Beliefs section of the site.

Being Layer
But there is even a deeper, more causal layer than thought- and that layer is BEING. When we are BEING who we really truly are at our core (which is rarely for most of us), stress is not possible. We are BEING our true selves when we are ALIGNED with our spiritual essence- our DIVINITY within.

Stress Vs. Tension
So are you saying that I should just be happy-go-lucky and not care about changing anything or improving anything, including myself? Should I just sit back in my hammock and day dream and not care what happens? No- but it would probably be a step in the right direction if you did that for a while.

There is an important distinction to be made at this juncture between STRESS and TENSION. We’ve already covered stress pretty well, so now a brief discussion of Tension. Tension is an integral part of life- it is a built-in growth mechanism we all have- a yearning to do it all and have it all, but a reality that we have to make choices in life. Often the choice is not black and white between good and bad. We often have to choose between good, better and best, and find ways to balance it all. The feeling of having more to do than time to do it in is a good thing- it’s a sign that you’re living a full and active life. Sometimes that can feel like stress, but it’s qualitatively different. It’s a positive tension caused by having to make choices between good things. If you feel that in your life- you should welcome it and get used to it- because it will be with you FOREVER if you plan to create rather than react through life and if you plan to create and progress eternally beyond this life. On the other hand if your idea of “heaven” is to float around on a cloud and play the harp or sing in a heavenly choir of angels for eternity, then maybe you don’t have to get used to the concept of tension. However, if you give it much thought, I think you’ll agree that having NO TENSION sounds like a REALLY DULL EXISTENCE- both here on earth and in the eternities.

While tension is positive and progressive, stress is negative and stifling which is why it has such a negative effect on our bodies, emotions and minds. Our objective then is to learn how to eliminate negative stress while living a life full of positive tension.

Strategies for Dealing with Stress
Just like there are a myriad of different symptoms of stress, there are likewise a myriad of different ways we as human beings have learned to deal with or “cope” with stress. But as I’ve thought about it, I’ve come up with four major categories of stress coping mechanisms. The first three are the most common. The fourth is what I am proposing as the right solution- what this site is all about.

To make this a bit easier to understand, let’s use an analogy. Imagine you live on an island and you have a small sail boat that you use to get between two islands. But the boat has a hole in the bottom and every time you go out on the ocean, you begin to take on water. There are basically three strategies you could employ in this scenario.
1- Bailing the Water
2- Plugging the Hole
3- Ignoring the Problem

Let’s address each of these briefly.

Bailing the Water
This is the equivalent of trying to relieve the pressure by trying to PUSH OUT the energy from the system. Examples in real life of bailing would be anger, yelling, screaming, venting, blaming, sexual activity and violence. On the more innocuous side would be things like exercise and talking with friends.

Plugging the Hole
This is the equivalent of trying to relieve the pressure by trying to KEEP OUT change in the system. A common example in real life of plugging the hole would be going into depression mode- where our body literally shuts down the inputs into the brain by constricting the pupils so less light gets in, and causing the body to sleep more so less consciousness gets in. Other examples might be saying “No” to new commitments and shutting down new opportunities because we can’t handle what we’ve already got to process. We all have to learn to say NO to the less important, but often we become indiscriminate in our blocking and go into isolation mode trying to reduce and eliminate sources of input- often positive sources of input, in order to “deal with” or “cope” with the negative that we’ve already let in.

Ignoring the Problem
This is the equivalent of watching for dolphins while your boat fills with water. Ignoring the problem comes in many varieties- usually we just let our attention get distracted because we’re too fearful of keeping it where it needs to be to fix the problem. Drugs, alcohol, excessive eating, excessive entertainment or excessive shopping are all examples of Ignoring the Problem. They are all just distractions from the problem of a sinking boat.

All of these three stress “coping” mechanisms provide temporary results and can be either healthy or unhealthy depending upon the use. But none of them really solve the problem. The problem with all of these mechanisms is that they leave unchanged the system’s capacity for handling change in the environment. They do not GROW the capacity of the system to handle stress and change, they just relieve some of the pressure temporarily and have to be resorted to again and again as the pressure just keeps coming in like the unlimited ocean water.

So what is the lasting solution? What is “True Stress Relief?”

Reorganizing at a Higher Level

To stick with our row boat analogy- it is to build a bigger, stronger, more water tight boat that is capable of handling more “stress” in the environment without having to resort to bailing, plugging or ignoring the leak. As we turn our focus inward and take on the challenge of regular internal alignment, what we do is create in ourselves a “system” or “boat” that has increased capacity to handle change and stress. Now, we don’t go from a small sailboat to a battleship in one single makeover. The process is incremental, but each time we do the internal work prescribed in this site, we strengthen and grow our boat. We increase our system’s threshold of tolerance. We literally become more tolerant of change and stress- able to handle more without breaking down. But even when our threshold is exceeded, if we allow it to happen instead of resorting to bailing, plugging or ignoring, and instead go back to work on internal alignment, we can take a breakdown in life and use it as a re-creation, a re-building, a re-organizing of a system at a higher level of existence.

That, my friend, is what this site is all about. Helping you and me to build ourselves into “systems” of increasing capacity to handle increasing levels of change and stress while remaining peaceful and useful to those around us.

I usually like to include something you can do today to make a difference in your life. This post is primarily introducing the framework of a whole new website that will contain (eventually) lots of articles full of lots of principles and practices for curing stress, not just relieving or managing it. So the main point I hope you take away from this post is a new way of looking at stress- what it really is (your own internal system's capacity for handling change) and what it isn't (anything coming from outside you). With that new perspective, I hope you'll at least be able to raise your own level of awareness about what stresses you and why. Raising your awareness is actually a huge deal- it means you are now able to see a cause and effect instead of just reacting automatically. It means you now have choices that you didn't have before.

But if you want something a little more "concrete" to take away from this long article, here it is.

The next time you feel stressed, take conscious control of your breathing. The breath is the connecting link between the automatic and the voluntary nervous systems. It is usually automatic, but we can take voluntary control of it with our will. So do that. Take long deep abdominal breaths counting to 10 on the inhale and 10 on the exhale. Do this for at least one to two minutes and see if you notice a physical difference in the way you feel. With just this simple little exercise, you've made an incremental increase in your own ability to handle more stress.

That's enough for now. Here' to becoming more aware of your stress and starting to do something about it curing it.

Thanks for your attention.

John