Do You Appreciate Your Ego?

As a follow up to the last post, I felt like I should go into a little more detail on the topic of appreciating the ego. I believe that a lack of appreciation for the ego combined with a lack of leadership of the ego by the Spirit is the root of most of our suffering and unhappiness.

First- let's just get clear on some definitions:

The Ego: The built in intelligence of the physical body- that auto-pilot/subconscious part of us whose programming is to create, maintain and extend physical life. When you read about our "subconscious mind" you can substitute ego for subconscious mind- they are one and the same. Ego just has taken on a somewhat negative connotation. It is the part of us that operates autonomously- without the need for our conscious control. It divides our cells, oxygenates and filters our blood, digests our food, heals our wounds, and much much more. In essence it creates, grows, maintains and preserves the physical body and the separate self (small "s"). In addition it is the realm of the automatic- the habitual. Your internal autopilot is a great analogy for the Ego. The Ego is that part of our individual consciousness that differentiates and classifies all things. It is a very deep layer of our consciousness just above the unified field of consciousness that unifies us all. It is the first level of consciousness that creates a seperate identity or "self" as distinct from the unified whole.

The Spirit: Who you were before you came into the body, who you are now in your body and who you will be when your current physical body returns to the earth from whence it came. Eternal and immortal. Never born, therefore can never die, or cease to exist or be. Connected to God and All Creation and to all other Spirit. Both separate and unified with your body, both separate and unified with all others and all creation. Already contains great wisdom and knowledge. Motivated only by pure loving kindness and joyful creation. A deliberate creator in partnership with God. Your internal guidance system that can lead and guide you in this earth life.
More...
The Ego has many needs- after the physical safety and security of the body are met, the needs extend to feeling part of a group or community, and then growing the self's power and influence over others and over the physical environment. Maslow's hierarchy of needs is probably the best summary of how the Ego works. However, it's deepest and often most unfulfilled need is the need to be appreciated. This need is deeper even than the need to be loved.

For example- if you ask divorced women if their ex-husbands loved them- most will tell you "Yes, I knew he loved me, I just never felt he appreciated me." I have a good friend who's wife left him recently and when I told him about this concept of appreciation, he told me "That's exactly what she said in our counseling sessions before the divorce! That she knew I loved her, but didn't feel I appreciated her!"

The Spirit doesn't need appreciation, love, acceptance or validation. It doesn't need anything. It already is all those things and more. The Ego, however, does crave, need and desire all those things. It ultimately can only really receive the love and appreciation it desires from the Spirit who has it to give in abundance. But the Ego looks for love in all the wrong places. Any place besides the Spirit is the wrong place. It looks for it in others- first parents, then friends, then spouses, then children, then the world at large. Always seeking outside what can only truly be found inside. "Ever seeking and never coming the a knowledge of the truth."

This external seeking nature of the Ego is where we tend to get into trouble. Because the need is insatiable when received from the outside. It is only satiable when received from the inside- from the Spirit. Even when the Ego does feel like it gets some love and appreciation from the outside- whether from parents, friends, spouse, children, work, money or the world at large, it is only temporarily satisfying, and it is easily lost. Like the man who thirsts and sleeping, he dreams that he drinks, but awaking finds himself thirsty still. So ever seeking and never coming to a knowledge of the truth, the Ego- if left un-managed, or poorly led, will continually seek love and appreciation and approval outside itself. If it doesn't feel like it's getting it in it's current relationship, it will go seeking for it elsewhere.

Here is the basic thought that the Ego loves to attach to- see if it sounds familiar:
- "My__________ (parents, husband, wife, boss, friend, partner) doesn't really appreciate me or understand me." So the search continues.

Here's the truth- No one else outside of your Spirit and God can ever really appreciate and understand you, which is precisely why you feel like they never do!

Now there are many happy marriages where the spouses do love and appreciate each other- and I highly recommend doing so because it makes for a great marriage. But the problem that many don't see is that because they are currently receiving love and appreciation from someone outside themselves, they still don't bother to get it from inside themselves- from the only insatiable and permanent source- their own Spirits and by literal extension, God. So when the stresses of life come as they do (because we believe and don't investigate stressful thoughts- but that is another topic), the love and appreciation received from the other person may fade or disappear temporarily and there we go again- the searching outside continues.

So, how do we stop the endless seeking and never coming to a knowledge of the truth? We simply awake to the reality of life that hopefully this post has helped accomplish. Once we understand what's really going on here, we can start to give our Ego the love and appreciation it so craves, while at the same time giving it loving guidance and leadership it also craves.

I like to think of the Ego as a child- a VERY INTELLIGENT CHILD, but a child nonetheless. What do children need? 1)Safety/Security, 2)Love and Appreciation and 3) Coaching/Leadership/Boundaries. The Ego is no different. In fact it is the reason that children need those things- because it is really the Ego needing those things- and it doesn't stop needing those things just because the body has matured from the childhood stage.

So here is what I find works. Throughout the day, notice a little more all the amazing things your Ego does for you. For starters, it completely runs the inconceivably complex processes of maintaining your body in good health and healing it when not in good health. So when I wake up in the morning, I (my Spirit) say to myself (my Ego) something like this:

"Thank you for a good nights sleep- I get to just sleep and you've been busy all night digesting food, dividing cells, filtering blood, cleansing the body of contaminates, circulating air, blood, and energy, restoring and healing damaged parts and reinvigorating my energy. What would I ever do without you? I would be dead that's what! So thanks again, I really appreciate everything you do for me!"

As you go through the day, just have a sense of gratitude and appreciation for everything your Ego does for you. When you go to the bathroom, "Thank you for knowing exactly what to keep and what to get rid of to keep this body healthy." When you eat a meal "Thank you for knowing exactly how to turn this meal into what the body needs."

When you notice the ego seeking love and appreciation outside of yourself (remember the ego is the domain of the automatic and habitual), gently remind it that it's seeking where it cannot find. For example, when a spouse says something cranky, rude or selfish, instead of reacting on autopilot ("no love and appreciation there- keep searching elsewhere") just say something like:

"Ooops, searching again where you can't find. That's just their Ego going on autopilot and reacting to their perceived stress. You know what that's like don't you. Besides, you've already got the REAL DEAL from me- your Spirit. Just let that comment go- it has no life of it's own unless you give it life by believing it. Let me (your Spirit) share with them (their Ego) the love and appreciation it craves until they can find their own inexhaustible source inside themselves just like you have."

I hope this helps you as much as it has helped me. This is a life long process of improvement, I don't claim to be a master and to never let my Ego go searching outside. But at least I am more awake to what's going on and can notice it happening which is a big change from not being aware, not noticing, and being on full reactionary auto-pilot.

Gratefully yours,

John

Our Multi-Natured Nature

I don't have to tell you that as a human being you are inherently "multi-natured". We all "know" this through our own direct experience. There are times you feel magnanimous, loving, kind and impossible to be offended. There are other times when you feel depressed, angry, self-indulgent, petty or easily offended. This internal conflict between multiple natures is so basic to the human experience- it is what makes me just like you and you just like anyone else. And not just anyone else alive today- but anyone else that ever lived or ever will live on this planet (or any other planet for that matter). We are all equal in the sense that we have this common internal struggle to experience, understand, and if we're fortunate- learn to integrate and unify into a complete whole.

Learning to experience, and integrate our multiple natures is the very essence of the "human experience". And experience is a great way to describe it- because it can only be understood through experience- or I prefer to use another form of the word- experiment.

There are a multitude of names and descriptions for this "multi-natured" phenomenon:
- The cartoon version of the angel on one shoulder and the devil on the other
- Freud's Super Ego, Id and the Ego.
- "High self" and a "low self"
- Spirit and Shadow
- Yin and Yang
- Spiritual Man and Natural Man
- The native American "Two Hungry Wolves"

I have no doubt that every culture that ever existed has some analogy to attempt to describe this basic fact of life because, as already stated, it is truly universal to the human experience.

So we know we have dual or multiple natures. Now what? Are we supposed to go to battle inside and eliminate one, or just reach a truce. Is it a sort of "cold war" inside us that we have to battle our whole lives?
More...
These "war within" mindsets stem from the belief that our "lower" nature, our ego, or choose whatever analogy you want, is something that needs to be hated, feared, battled, subdued and extinguished if we are to live a happy or "saintly" life. But is it really true that our so called "lower" nature should be eliminated? Could it be equally as true that we shouldn't try to eliminate our lower nature, that it actually serves a useful purpose?

As I've studied this in my own mind and through reading the writings of many other philosophers and prophets throughout time, I've come to the conclusion that our so called "ego"is there for a reason- a very good reason. What reason is that? To preserve and extend physical life. I don't believe God makes mistakes. Our "ego" is very misunderstood by our rational mind. I imagine the ego just chuckles at our demonizing it- knowing all along that without it, our physical body would immediately die. To me the "ego" is much more than just our sense of identity or our pride. It is that part of us that is responsible for maintaining, preserving and extending life. It does this at a "subconscious" level over which we have little to no control (thank goodness). It regulates our heart beat, digests our food, breathes in and out, maintains chemical, energetic and thermal equilibrium, heals our wounds, mends our broken bones, and divides our cells, all without requiring any conscious input from our rational minds. What an amazing program we come already coded with! All our rational scientific discoveries pale in comparison to the sheer power and perfection of our built-in "super bio computer" we sometimes call our "ego". The ego's programming is simple: protect, preserve and extend physical life. How it accomplishes this is anything but simple.

Now, it is also true that if left without "leadership", the ego's directive can cause all sorts of non-resourceful outcomes- jealousy, greed, violence, infidelity, crime, war- you name the vice or sin- it's underlying source is the un-managed ego trying to "protect, preserve and extend" that physical life over which it is programed to serve- typically at the expense or at odds with other egos trying to do the same thing.

I believe that instead of battling our ego or seeing it as "sinful", it is more resourceful to meet it with understanding and even gratitude for the important and irreplaceable role it plays in our very physical survival. Then it can become a friend and ally in our journey of life instead of an enemy that cannot really be defeated.

The ego- as powerful as it is, in many ways is like a child. It just wants to be respected and it also craves leadership in the form of boundaries. That leadership and those boundaries can temporarily come from outside sources like laws, cultural norms, parental expectations, rules, commandments, etc. But all of those sources are ultimately hollow and the ego knows it. The real leadership and boundaries that the ego will ultimately respect and obey can only come from within- from our Spirit- from the true captain of our physical ships we call our body.

So when you feel your ego getting the best of you by retreating from Unity and Connectedness to Self and Separateness, instead of battling it try telling your ego something like this:

"Ego, thank you so much for all you do to protect and maintain this amazing body. You're doing an amazing job and I don't thank you nearly enough. Without you, this body would be dead and I know it. So thank you and keep up the great work. Now, here's where the boundaries are in this case. I've been around a lot longer than this body has, and it's my job to be the boss of this life. Just trust me on this one- you'll be able to carry out your vital role more effectively if you follow my direction in this case. As the boss, I love that I can delegate so completely and effortlessly such complex things to you. I also love how you can be humble and obedient and see the big picture here." Use your own words- the point is to appreciate the ego for the important role it plays, but also provide the direction and leadership it actually craves.

So while it may seem like we have dual or multiple natures, in reality there is only one- there is only unity. Left and right brain are really just brain. Natural and Spiritual Man are really just Man. Light and Dark are really just one revolution of the planet. They are two sides of the same coin. The one without the other is not only meaningless, it's not even possible.

As we learn to "include and transcend" our multiple natures into a unified whole of body, mind and spirit we begin to discover what has been there all along- before our beliefs of separation came along. We discover our One True Self. One True You just rhymes better, so that's why I went with that. Now my amazing ego is telling me I need to go to sleep so it can do it's work better without all my silly philosophising getting in the way. Good night.

Humbly yours,

John

"One True You" Defined

OK- so what's with the name of this blog- 1trueyou.com? Well let me define what it means to me. "One True You" is how I choose to describe who we really and truly are at the fundamental level of Spirit, Mind and Body. To me our "true self" is a fully integrated, free-acting, awake and aware spiritual and physical human being that knows it is here by choice in time and body and place to be a joyful and beautiful part of eternal creation. That's a mouthful I know. Each part of that description could easily be the subject of a book, and even then it would not be a complete or even adequate description of our True Self. In truth our True Self cannot be confined to words. However, this is a blog and it's tools are primarily words- so I will have to be satisfied with the inherent limitations of words and hope that the deeper meaning underlying the words can somehow be felt and experienced by you the reader in a wonderful wordless way that helps you know for yourself the truth that is wrapped inside these words. The purpose of the blog is to explore in more detail the many facets of our True Selves- all so that we can become more of our True Selves and less of our conditioned or "believed" selves- more of who we really are and less of who we have come to think we are.

Here are a few elements of what I have come to understand for myself as our true nature.
More...
- At the level of spirit, we are immortal beings- pure spiritual intelligences that exist beyond time. Never born and therefore not capable of dying or ceasing to exist. We sometimes think of ourselves as mortal and believe that someday we will die. To me the truth is that we are already immortal beings that exist eternally (beyond time), but we are currently in mortal physical bodies that will someday "die." So it is only the temporary mortal body that dies, not us.

- Our immortal Spiritual selves are connected to and part of God and All That Is. We are connected to each other and to all creation. We already possess great wisdom and knowledge of eternal principles. We are both the created and the creator- the manifest flower and the life force that brings the flower into existence. We are both separate and individual and connected and unified. This paradox is only a paradox to the linearly constrained mind, and can only be understood through direct experience which is a big part of why we chose to come here, now.

- We came to this phase of existence by choice. Having existed in Spirit we reached a level of progression that could not be surpassed without willingly joining ourselves- our immortal spiritual selves to a physical/mortal body with all it's amazing strengths and weaknesses.

- Our physical bodies have built in to them an intelligence far beyond our mental abilities to comprehend. The intelligence that creates a new human body from the combination of male and female DNA, that grows into trillions of differentiated but integrated cells all working together to create this physical life we experience through our 5 senses, is something far beyond our powers of comprehension. That same intelligence grows and maintains the body without any conscious effort on our parts. It is a sort of auto-pilot that just goes about doing what it was programmed to do- maintaining and extending life while responding to continually changing circumstances.

- The immortal wisdom of our Spirits combined with the amazing physical wisdom of our bodies is what makes us Human- literally part heaven, part earth; part immortal, part mortal; part formless, part form; part changeless, part ever changing.

- All this power of Spirit and Body exists within us, but is not contained within us. It is the power of God, of all Creation that permeates all Life. We ourselves are like the fruit of the vine, that cannot live long without maintaining our connection to the Whole.

- The mortal nature of our bodies and the gullible nature of our minds- believing all sorts of things that just aren't true, create a sort of "web" or "matrix" of perception that is limiting. Over time we come to see ourselves as much much less than who we truly are, and believing that we live well below our potential.

-Poets and prophets alike have expressed as well as can be expressed in words this condition. You yourself have most likely experienced a feeling of living well below your potential and have also experienced brief glimpses of your true nature that left you hungering for more.

We'll go into this and much more as time goes on. Please stay tuned and contribute your thoughts as we go.

Gratefully yours,

John