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A New Perspective on Stress

A New Site Concept
I've decided that a blog is not the best tool for accomplishing what I want to do with this site. A blog is designed to be date/time focused, not topic focused. It's great for journaling, or for doing time sensitive commentary. It's not great for doing topical sites like what I want to do. So I've been working for the last month on a new solution. I'm in the process of building it, and am excited about it's potential. But in the mean time, I thought I would post on this blog some of what I've been writing for the new site about a topic we all have first hand experience with- STRESS!. So this post will basically be taken from what I've been writing for this new site. When the new site is ready, I'll post on it's launch. In the mean time, here's some of what I have to say about stress.

WARNING: If you are searching for lasting stress relief from some source outside of yourself, you’ve come to the wrong place and you’ll be happier in front a different kind of monitor (TV).

However, if you’ve tried a bunch of temporary solutions like pills, potions, aromatherapy, massage, retreats books and seminars, you’ve probably already realized they don’t really cure the source of your stress. If you’re ready to undertake the challenging but rewarding job of really understanding what stress is and how YOU can relieve it at its source (YOU)- then this is a place that just might help you really and finally relieve your stress and in the process- dramatically improve your life in every aspect- physically, emotionally, mentally, spiritually, financially, and relationshiply (yes I know that’s not a real word, but I didn’t want to break the string of –ly adjectives).

Stress comes in countless forms, and for many, is a constant, nagging companion that weighs us down, blinding us to the brilliant beauty all around us, sapping our strength and energy, and leaving us feeling tired, frustrated, anxious and dull. Stress keeps us from fully enjoying the present, from appreciating the past and from looking forward to the future. Stress wreaks havoc with our emotions, our health and our relationships. Stress keeps us operating at just a small fraction of our true potential- like a fruit tree whose roots and branches are choked out by weeds and therefore whose harvest is meager and bitter compared to what it has the potential of being.

Stress truly has a multitude of negative effects on our lives and it manifests itself in a myriad of different symptoms. But I’m about to make a really bold claim.

While the manifestations of stress are many, the causes of stress are one and therefore its cure is one!

Sound overly simplistic? I understand why you might think that- especially if you have an advanced degree of some kind from a University. Yet that is my claim-- arrived at after many years of study, searching and experimenting with life and despite my own University and post graduate degrees.

What is that cause? What is that cure? Here it is- right up front- no teasers, no beating around the bush:


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CAUSE: Being out of alignment with our true divine nature.

CURE: Becoming aligned with our true divine nature.

That’s it in a nutshell. Problem solved? Not yet- not even close- but at least understanding this one thing puts us on the right path- the path of cause and not effect. The deeper path of source and not the many dead end surface paths of symptoms. The true “road less traveled.” This path will not just bring temporary relief of stress, but a fundamental increase in your capacity to see clearly and quickly what is out of alignment within and fix it yourself.

This entire site is dedicated to the cause of helping you get on this deeper path of inner divine alignment and make the “journey within” that will be a lifetime journey, and really a timeless journey beyond just a brief lifetime. The relieving of stress is really just one of many bonuses to making this journey. It is one of the first signs that you are on the right path. The further you go on this journey down the right path, the more peaceful and less stressful you will feel- because the more peaceful and more aligned with your own divinity you will become.

The goal of this site is to help you discover and connect to your own “divine” nature and then regularly “align” with that nature so that you can more effectively “shine” in your world- by loving, lifting and serving those around you and making the contribution to your world that you were meant to make.

D-A-S Circle
I created the diagram at the beginning of this post to help illustrate the purpose of this site. I call it the D-A-S Circle.
- D for Divine
- A for Align
- S for Shine


This will be the overarching structure my new site will be built around. Every article I write will tie into one or more of the elements of this diagram.

- At the core of the diagram is SPIRIT. This is because this is what is at the core of each of us. This is the DIVINE that is within us all.

- Surrounding this divine core are eight spheres or areas of our nature that need to be understood and consciously brought into alignment with our divine core. They have specifically been ordered in the way they are because they build on each other sequentially. As we develop each one, we free up attention and energy to be available to work on the next one. This is especially true of the first three- Self Esteem, Self Leadership and Health & Fitness. Until we have a solid foundation in Self Esteem, our attention will be too trapped there to be able to make the changes needed in Self Leadership and until we have a solid foundation in Self Leadership, we won't be able to sustain the discipline needed to achieve the level of life energy that comes from good health and fitness practices. But the eight realms are also inter-related and ultimately connected to the core of SPIRIT so that progress made in one sphere will positively impact all other spheres simultaneously. So I encourage you to start at the top and go around the circle clockwise, but also to listen to your inner coach and delve into any area that pulls at your interest more than others.

- At 12 o’clock is the realm of Self-Esteem, and going clockwise around the circle are Self-Leadership, Health and Fitness, Money & Work, Mind & Beliefs, Intuition, Emotions, and Fear & Shadow. Understanding and mastering these eight worlds is a life-long process of continually going deeper and constantly aligning with SPIRIT. So it’s not one time around and you’re there. It really is an “eternal circle” or “spiral” which can spin upwards or downwards. You may have already had lots of experience with the downward, negative spiral. We’re going to try to reverse that into a positive, upward spiral.

- The two outer rings of RELATIONSHIPS and CONTRIBUTION represent how all of this manifests itself in our world. The end purpose of DIVINE and ALIGN is to go forth and SHINE! To serve and lift others, to relieve suffering around us and to contribute to our world that which we are meant to contribute. As you look honestly at these outward indicators in your own life, you will be able to get a sense of your own internal alignment. To the extent that there is stress or strain in your relationships- be they with spouses, ex-spouses, children, parents, friends, bosses, co-workers, relatives or even just fellow “anonymous” human beings you run across on the roads, in shops, standing in line, or even watch on TV or hear about on the radio or read about in the paper, then you know you’ve got some alignment work to do on yourself- not on others. To the extent that you feel you are currently not contributing all you are capable of contributing to your world- all you were meant to contribute, then you’ve got some internal alignment work to do.

The good news is that as you already know- we all have a lot of internal alignment work to do, so you're in good company.

Symptoms of Stress
So, even though we’ve now covered that all stress has one cause, it’s important to be more aware of the many different symptoms or manifestations of stress so we can better recognize it in our lives.

Physical Level
On the physical level stress manifests itself in headaches, tight/stiff muscles, a stiff neck, dry mouth, shallow breathing, and low energy to name just a few symptoms. Eventually if we don’t relieve the stress, these “minor” physical symptoms will begin to manifest in a multitude of “major” physical diseases (dis-ease is just another name for stress). The list is too long- and probably more inclusive than current medical science will admit- although doctors and medical researchers have already linked stress as a causal factor in hundreds of diseases. Of course genetics and diet are causal factors as well- but really it’s all linked. We each come with our own unique genetic weaknesses and pre-dispositions. Stress will manifest itself in the “dis-ease” that each one of us is genetically pre-disposed to be weakest for- in other words, stress will find the weakest link in the system first. Stress eventually breaks down our physical body by first blocking the natural flow of the energy body and then disrupting the natural weather patterns of the emotional body. This in turn causes us to engage in non-productive habits of unhealthy eating, drinking, and other stress “coping” mechanisms- thus creating a negative spiral that eventually shows up on level of the physical or surface body.

Emotional Level
On the emotional level stress manifests itself in a wide range of feelings- here are some in order of increasing negativity: irritation, impatience, overwhelm, disappointment, frustration, worry, doubt, discouragement, blame, anger, rage, hatred, revenge, insecurity, envy, guilt, unworthiness, depression, despair, hopelessness. These are all emotional “re-actions” meaning, responses to some thought that is believed as true.

Thought Level
While stress manifests itself in the physical and emotional realms, a closer examination will show that there is a deeper causal realm underneath both body and emotion- that is the realm of thought. All stress- when examined closely enough will ultimately reveal itself as a thought or belief. These stressful thoughts or beliefs come in many varieties, but they are all related and none of them are unique to you. That’s right, sorry to break it to your inner victim, you’re problems are not unique. In fact they’ve been around since the beginning of history. And they all have one thing in common-

They all RESIST WHAT IS.

Some of the basic families of stressful “resisting what is” thought are:
1) The “SHOULD BE DIFFERENT” family. Something or someone SHOULD BE DIFFERENT than it is. Most of our relationship stresses and general dissatisfaction with life fall into this category.
2) The “NOT GOOD ENOUGH” family. You are somehow NOT GOOD ENOUGH to do this or that, or someone else is better or more talented or more capable. Most of our fears that hold us back fall into this category.
3) The “TRYING TO CONTROL THE UNCONTROLLABLE” family. Wanting things or people or anything else outside of your control to change, but not able to change them (surprise, surprise). What is in your control? It’s a really short list- so short it has only one thing in it: YOUR BEHAVIOR. Most of our worries and anxieties about the future fall into this category.
4) The “ATTACHMENT TO THE TEMPORARY” family. Wanting things to stay the same when by their very nature that is impossible. Death, disease, loss, betrayal, aging and more fall into this category.

We’ll deal with this more in the Mind & Beliefs section of the site.

Being Layer
But there is even a deeper, more causal layer than thought- and that layer is BEING. When we are BEING who we really truly are at our core (which is rarely for most of us), stress is not possible. We are BEING our true selves when we are ALIGNED with our spiritual essence- our DIVINITY within.

Stress Vs. Tension
So are you saying that I should just be happy-go-lucky and not care about changing anything or improving anything, including myself? Should I just sit back in my hammock and day dream and not care what happens? No- but it would probably be a step in the right direction if you did that for a while.

There is an important distinction to be made at this juncture between STRESS and TENSION. We’ve already covered stress pretty well, so now a brief discussion of Tension. Tension is an integral part of life- it is a built-in growth mechanism we all have- a yearning to do it all and have it all, but a reality that we have to make choices in life. Often the choice is not black and white between good and bad. We often have to choose between good, better and best, and find ways to balance it all. The feeling of having more to do than time to do it in is a good thing- it’s a sign that you’re living a full and active life. Sometimes that can feel like stress, but it’s qualitatively different. It’s a positive tension caused by having to make choices between good things. If you feel that in your life- you should welcome it and get used to it- because it will be with you FOREVER if you plan to create rather than react through life and if you plan to create and progress eternally beyond this life. On the other hand if your idea of “heaven” is to float around on a cloud and play the harp or sing in a heavenly choir of angels for eternity, then maybe you don’t have to get used to the concept of tension. However, if you give it much thought, I think you’ll agree that having NO TENSION sounds like a REALLY DULL EXISTENCE- both here on earth and in the eternities.

While tension is positive and progressive, stress is negative and stifling which is why it has such a negative effect on our bodies, emotions and minds. Our objective then is to learn how to eliminate negative stress while living a life full of positive tension.

Strategies for Dealing with Stress
Just like there are a myriad of different symptoms of stress, there are likewise a myriad of different ways we as human beings have learned to deal with or “cope” with stress. But as I’ve thought about it, I’ve come up with four major categories of stress coping mechanisms. The first three are the most common. The fourth is what I am proposing as the right solution- what this site is all about.

To make this a bit easier to understand, let’s use an analogy. Imagine you live on an island and you have a small sail boat that you use to get between two islands. But the boat has a hole in the bottom and every time you go out on the ocean, you begin to take on water. There are basically three strategies you could employ in this scenario.
1- Bailing the Water
2- Plugging the Hole
3- Ignoring the Problem

Let’s address each of these briefly.

Bailing the Water
This is the equivalent of trying to relieve the pressure by trying to PUSH OUT the energy from the system. Examples in real life of bailing would be anger, yelling, screaming, venting, blaming, sexual activity and violence. On the more innocuous side would be things like exercise and talking with friends.

Plugging the Hole
This is the equivalent of trying to relieve the pressure by trying to KEEP OUT change in the system. A common example in real life of plugging the hole would be going into depression mode- where our body literally shuts down the inputs into the brain by constricting the pupils so less light gets in, and causing the body to sleep more so less consciousness gets in. Other examples might be saying “No” to new commitments and shutting down new opportunities because we can’t handle what we’ve already got to process. We all have to learn to say NO to the less important, but often we become indiscriminate in our blocking and go into isolation mode trying to reduce and eliminate sources of input- often positive sources of input, in order to “deal with” or “cope” with the negative that we’ve already let in.

Ignoring the Problem
This is the equivalent of watching for dolphins while your boat fills with water. Ignoring the problem comes in many varieties- usually we just let our attention get distracted because we’re too fearful of keeping it where it needs to be to fix the problem. Drugs, alcohol, excessive eating, excessive entertainment or excessive shopping are all examples of Ignoring the Problem. They are all just distractions from the problem of a sinking boat.

All of these three stress “coping” mechanisms provide temporary results and can be either healthy or unhealthy depending upon the use. But none of them really solve the problem. The problem with all of these mechanisms is that they leave unchanged the system’s capacity for handling change in the environment. They do not GROW the capacity of the system to handle stress and change, they just relieve some of the pressure temporarily and have to be resorted to again and again as the pressure just keeps coming in like the unlimited ocean water.

So what is the lasting solution? What is “True Stress Relief?”

Reorganizing at a Higher Level

To stick with our row boat analogy- it is to build a bigger, stronger, more water tight boat that is capable of handling more “stress” in the environment without having to resort to bailing, plugging or ignoring the leak. As we turn our focus inward and take on the challenge of regular internal alignment, what we do is create in ourselves a “system” or “boat” that has increased capacity to handle change and stress. Now, we don’t go from a small sailboat to a battleship in one single makeover. The process is incremental, but each time we do the internal work prescribed in this site, we strengthen and grow our boat. We increase our system’s threshold of tolerance. We literally become more tolerant of change and stress- able to handle more without breaking down. But even when our threshold is exceeded, if we allow it to happen instead of resorting to bailing, plugging or ignoring, and instead go back to work on internal alignment, we can take a breakdown in life and use it as a re-creation, a re-building, a re-organizing of a system at a higher level of existence.

That, my friend, is what this site is all about. Helping you and me to build ourselves into “systems” of increasing capacity to handle increasing levels of change and stress while remaining peaceful and useful to those around us.

I usually like to include something you can do today to make a difference in your life. This post is primarily introducing the framework of a whole new website that will contain (eventually) lots of articles full of lots of principles and practices for curing stress, not just relieving or managing it. So the main point I hope you take away from this post is a new way of looking at stress- what it really is (your own internal system's capacity for handling change) and what it isn't (anything coming from outside you). With that new perspective, I hope you'll at least be able to raise your own level of awareness about what stresses you and why. Raising your awareness is actually a huge deal- it means you are now able to see a cause and effect instead of just reacting automatically. It means you now have choices that you didn't have before.

But if you want something a little more "concrete" to take away from this long article, here it is.

The next time you feel stressed, take conscious control of your breathing. The breath is the connecting link between the automatic and the voluntary nervous systems. It is usually automatic, but we can take voluntary control of it with our will. So do that. Take long deep abdominal breaths counting to 10 on the inhale and 10 on the exhale. Do this for at least one to two minutes and see if you notice a physical difference in the way you feel. With just this simple little exercise, you've made an incremental increase in your own ability to handle more stress.

That's enough for now. Here' to becoming more aware of your stress and starting to do something about it curing it.

Thanks for your attention.

John

Defusing Depression and Guilt

I thought I would share another little phrase that I like to use to help me feel more grateful in any situation. This phrase is great for defusing the spectors of depression and guilt. Like the last one, “Thank You Father, That I Am Here, Now” this one too has eight words and like the last one this one helps me to keep my attention focused on my blessings instead of my perceived lack.

I first heard this little eight word phrase listening to a talk radio show by a guy named Joe Crummey. I first ran into Joe Crummey on the AM dial when I lived in the Los Angeles area. He has since moved to Phoenix and is still broadcasting on KTAR FM 92.3 according to a Google search I just did. I don’t listen to much talk radio anymore- much less than I used to- the reasons for that I’ll expound in a later post about the three types of business in the world- 1) My business, 2) Your business and 3) God’s Business. That will be a fun one and if you’re like me, a really useful one in helping you focus more of your attention on those things you can influence and less on those things you can’t. But I digress. The main thing I remember about Joe Crummey’s show was how he would respond to callers that would inevitably ask “How’s it going?” as a conversational ice-breaker.

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He would answer “Better than most, not as good as some.”

It struck me as clever and funny when I first heard that, but over time, I have learned that there is actually great wisdom in that phrase. Over the years since hearing this phrase, I have thought of it often as I have noticed myself trying to compare me with others. I have found this phrase especially useful in times when I’m feeling a little down on myself or “lacking” in some way as I compare myself unfavorably to others.

A Dog Barks, An Ego Compares
We’ve talked about the nature of the Ego in previous posts. So- just to review- I do not see the Ego as some sort of negative or evil aspect of our nature that must be eliminated or overcome. To the contrary, it is something to be grateful for, to appreciate, but at the same time to lead and manage, not to be lead or managed by. Among the many useful aspects of the Ego is that it is constantly comparing- measuring how it is different from others, how it stacks up against the competition. In fact the Ego is the very essence of differentiation. It is the layer of consciousness just over the unified field of consciousness that unifies us all. It is the layer of consciousness that gives us a sense of separateness from all others, a sense of “self”. We’ll leave the intriguing topic of the Layers of Life for another post- hopefully soon I’ll take that one on as it is fascinating.

So- a snake slithers, a dark barks, a cat meows, and an Ego compares. That’s just the way it is, and you might as well accept it (and be grateful for it too). Since you have an Ego- guess what? You compare! Of course you already know this all too well.

From a very young age we start comparing:
· My one year old quickly sizes up two pieces of banana on her tray and takes the biggest piece first.
· My four year old sees his older brothers getting more ice cream than he got and the world is out of balance until he gets more.
· My eight year old Cub Scout is concerned that a friend in the scout pack has earned more awards than he has so far and they both entered the pack within a few weeks of each other- so he’s behind!

By the time we’re teenagers our comparing muscles are really getting worked out:
· She is more popular than me
· He is stronger and more athletic than me
· I am smarter than they are
· They have cooler clothes than I do
· He likes me better than her.
· I’m 2nd chair in the orchestra and 1st chair is younger than me- but obviously has no social life because they must spend all their spare time practicing. So really, I’m better than she is because I’m more well rounded. But still, I should be 1st chair!

By the time we’re adults, we’re certified masters:
· I make more money than he does
· I have a better education than she does
· They have a nicer house than I do
· He drives a nicer car than I do
· My political views are more enlightened than theirs
· My favorite sports team is better than yours
· I am more honest than he is- he’ll eventually get what’s coming to him!
· My kids are better/worse behaved than their kids.
· Their house is always cleaner than mine.


While we’re comparing, I’ve never met anyone who doesn’t have the natural ability of comparing in spades- we’re all pros at it by now- but I just might be a little better at it than you :)

The Problem is Not Comparing, but Comparing to Whom
Now sometimes our comparing Ego will focus on how we have it better than others, but much more often, it tends to focus on how others have it better than us. Comparing yourself to ALL others is actually one of the best things you can do to bring a sense of gratitude, peace and happiness into your life. So why do we so often feel down and out when we get our comparison game on?

The reason is the same as all “Ego problems”- we don’t lead/manage the Ego, but let it manage/lead us. If left “unmanaged”, the Ego will tend to focus on how others have it better and how we aren’t stacking up in some way. We start believing the thought “He or she has it better than me” and it’s not long before our feelings are sinking down into the low frequencies of guilt, envy, low self image and eventually depression. What’s actually happening is that our feelings are giving us a warning sign that we’re believing thoughts that aren’t true. Once again that’s a whole other topic for a later post (the connection between thoughts we give our attention to or believe and feelings).

If we would use our comparing skills to actually compare ourselves to ALL others, we could really use this strength we all have of comparing to boost our spirits instead of lower them. The problem is that we rarely compare ourselves to ALL others, but only to a select few others that we perceive have it better than us in some way.

The Missing Tile Syndrome
If you look at a large mural made out of mosaic tiles where a few of the tiles have fallen out, your eyes will be automatically drawn to the holes or missing tiles. There may be thousands of tiles in their proper place, but we focus on the few that are missing. That’s just the nature of the eye/brain connection- which is part of the domain of the Ego.

Just like the missing tiles, the Ego will focus not on what we do have, but on what is “missing”. Understand that this is what the Ego does naturally. Unless we manage it better, we’ll end up spending too much time in the lower frequencies of life. This is where the phrase “Better than most, not as good as some” is particularly useful. Because it reminds us that when we compare ourselves to ALL others- we really do have it “Better than most” even if there might be some that we think have it better.

Better Than Most
Think about it. Just the mere fact that we live in the 21st century with all the amazing modern conveniences of life makes it so that no matter how bad we may believe we have it, we have it “better than most” other humans that have ever lived on the planet. Even of the billions of people sharing the planet physically at this time, we probably have it much better than 95% of them. The fact that I am lucky enough to live in America- which represents about 5% of the world’s current population (and that percentage is shrinking), in my mind makes me “better than most”. Of course for any non-American readers this is not meant to be a slight against your country- just an appreciation of mine.

Here are just a few things that comparatively put me in the top 10% of the world today and probably the top 1% of ALL PEOPLE that have ever lived on this earth:

· I have a refrigerator and pantry full of food and can restock it at will by driving in my car for less than 5 minutes to a Grocery store full of so many options it would boggle the mind of 99% of ALL others.
· I don’t have to worry about all sorts of contagious diseases that ended the lives of countless millions of ALL others. I get to instead deal with little things like high cholesterol and trying to lose the extra layer of fat around the belly.
· I have a closet full of clothes and shoes- most of which I never wear.
· I have a computer on which I am writing this blog and something called the “internet” to post it on to make my voice accessible to millions and millions of people (potentially). By the way, here’s a plug to help me make it accessible to more people by subscribing to this blog and emailing the link to family and friends that you think would benefit from reading it.

I could go on and on. But you get the point.

Not As Good As Some
Noticing that some may have it better than you in some facet of life is another important part of the equation. Realizing that you do have it “better than most” doesn’t mean there isn’t room for improvement and it can be inspiring (if you let it) to see others around you that you want to emulate. Of course, we have to be really careful with the “not as good as some” part because, we can easily forget the “better than most” part and focus only on the “not as good as some”. The real problem is that we only think that someone else has it better than us- but the truth is WE CAN NEVER REALLY KNOW! We can’t possibly know all the challenges, struggles and demons that another person has to deal with. What we are comparing ourselves unfavorably to is always an incomplete picture and often an illusion.

Self Comparison and Guilt
Here’s where this concept really gets interesting. Not only does our Ego constantly compare us to others, it also compares us to us. It compares us as we currently are to us as we “could be” or “should be”. So many of us walk around with all sorts of guilt over past mistakes and shortcomings or to an image of how we should be and aren’t or how we should have been but weren’t.

A friend of mine who is going through a divorce confided in me that he is plagued by feelings of guilt because now that his wife has left him, he can go back into the past and see all sorts of things he “could have done differently, and then maybe she would still want to be with me.” We can all do that (and we all do it). We look back and think “if I had only done this or that, then things would be better!”

Here’s what I shared with him in a recent email:

"As for your feelings of guilt- I would advise extreme caution there. Guilt has a positive role to play in our lives- no doubt- when it is the type that leads to repentance and positive change. But unfortunately that proper kind of guilt is rare.

Proper guilt is a supportive, encouraging voice from within you saying "you're better than that behavior and you know it- let's fix that and get on with all your great potential!"

Improper guilt is the unsupportive,berating voice from "without" you (even though it is experienced as a thought within you) saying "You're a failure, you deserve everything bad that is happening to you, you'll always have to live with this failure, look how bad you messed up! What a phony you are! Why even try?"

So,could you have done things better than you did? Of course- we all could have done things better than we did. We also could have done them much worse than we did. To go back to the "better than most, not as good as some" phrase- most of the time we choose courses of action that are "better than most" other possible courses of action we could have taken, but maybe not
as good as some". That's life. And a supportive internal voice (our true voice) knows that we're choosing actions that are better than most, but still could be improved. We're in the 95% + percentile 95% + of the time and that's an "A" in life.

The false "external" voice only focuses on the "not as good as..." side in a negative, demeaning manner. The way to tell the difference as to which voice you are giving your attention to and believing is how you feel. If you feel depressed or discouraged or unworthy it's the wrong one. If you feel supported, loved and inspired to improve while still feeling grateful, that's the right one."

I hope this helps you in some way. Please comment to this post with your thoughts, feedback or stories of how this has helped. And as you think of all your blessings at this time of year (and hopefully every day), remember when you ask yourself how you’re doing, the right answer is “Better than most, not as good as some” and that is good, in fact it’s GREAT!

Thanks for your attention,

John

Eight Words that Make Life Heaven on Earth to Me

I thought I would share with you a little statement that I came up with a while back that has stuck with me since. It came to me as a thought and a feeling one day while I was pondering the concept of prayer and of "praying always". It is a succinct little prayer or mantra that packs a powerful punch. I find myself saying it in my head many times a day. There are just eight words in the phrase- but it has the power to completely transform how I view any situation I find myself in. I invite you to adopt the phrase as your own and see what a difference it can make in your life. Please share any stories of how this may have helped you in a given situation- you never know who you may be able to help by sharing your own experiences.

The statement is this:

"Thank You Father That I Am Here Now".

Let be explain what these words mean to me and then give some examples of how they help me in my daily living.

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THANK YOU FATHER- This is both an expression of gratitude and an acknowledgement of the source of all that I am grateful for. If you look at many of the prayers Jesus offered- they start with "I Thank Thee, Father".

THAT I AM- This is a statement of acknowledgement that I exist, that I am conscious and aware, that I am experiencing physical life in a physical body, but that I am not my body or even my experience. My body is not me, but mine. My mind is not me, but mine. My physical life is not me, but mine. I AM a son of God, existing without beginning and without end. I am here by choice and on purpose. I AM a free agent with the ability to choose at any given time my response to any situation rather that to react automatically and unconsciously. I AM is a name of God, and as his children it is our name too. It is a statement of freedom, an understanding that we are here to act and not be acted upon. We are, like God, creators, not victims. We are continually creating our own reality by the meaning we choose to give to any situation. In fact everything that happens is neutral- having no particular meaning until we give it meaning. Or rather having an infinite number of possible meanings until we choose one. I say we are creators, but it is probably more accurate to say "co-creators"- because while we are free agents, we do not and in fact can not exist independently of God.

HERE NOW- This is a reminder to me to keep my attention and the light of my consciousness HERE and NOW where it has incredible creative power. Here and Now is the only time and place my attention can have any creative power. I cannot create in the past or the future and I cannot create somewhere else than in my world. I cannot create in anyone else's world, only mine.

So, taken all together, "Thank You Father That I Am Here Now" is a way of seeing whatever is right in front of me at any given moment as something to be grateful for and something worthy of my attention. Every situation is an opportunity to create goodness by choosing to assign a postive meaning to it.

I have found that this little eight word prayer is very helpful in my daily living. It is easy to feel grateful when things are going well and life seems good. Even in the good times, this little prayer can keep me humble and keep me grounded in the present and aware of the source of my blessings (hint- it's not me).

However, when things are not going "as planned" (which is often), is when this little prayer really has power. When I am facing a situation that makes me uncomfortable, scared, worried, or angry, I just say "Thank You Father That I Am Here Now" and I begin to feel grateful for the challenge that is in front of me right now. I begin to look for how I can bring my creative power of choosing a meaning to bear on this situation. I begin to look at how this situation is a friendly teacher helping me to face my weaknesses head on instead of avoiding them and come out stronger as a result. I look for deeper meanings below the surface level. How can this experience polish a rough edge, lead me in a better direction, bring me back to a more grounded awareness of my dependence of God, and my partnership with God to co-create in my world.

So here are some examples of how I use this eight word prayer in an average day:

- I wake up
"Thank You Father That I Am Here Now" I have a new day in front of me and can create of it anything I choose.

- I do some form of exercise
"Thank You Father That I Am Here Now." What an amazing thing this physical body is. Notice how it moves magnificently, how the ever present breath of life is drawn in effortlessly almost as if I am being breathed instead of doing the breathing. I feel the energy that is stagnant upon waking, begin to flow and radiate as I move and breathe. What a gift this body is- though temporary and mortal- perfect for the purpose it was created for. And what did I do to "earn it"? Nothing- other than choosing at some point to come here to earth to be in it for a while. So I have a sacred stewardship to care for this body- to maintain it in good health through my creative choices to exercise it and feed it with positive energy (breath, thought, and food and water). Instead of letting my mind wander to the tasks of the day or flitter around in it's self created projections of past or future, I am reminded to keep my attention here now, in the body, in the breath.

- I help get the kids off to school.
"Thank You Father That I Am Here Now." How lucky am I to have a beautiful wife and five wonderful children. How fleeting is time and how soon will these children be grown and not here. But they are Here, Now and I can enjoy this age and this day. Through the hustle and bustle of gathering books in backpacks, signing some form for a teacher, packing lunches, having family prayer, eating breakfast, reminding them to empty the dishwasher, and waving good bye, I feel a deep sense of gratitude and joy.

- I face a challenge at work. Something that I had planned on falls apart and doesn't go my way.
"Thank You Father That I Am Here Now." Even though something isn't currently going the way I planned, I am grateful to have the opportunity to be doing this work, and not be sick in bed, or incapacitated mentally or physically. I have a chance to test my creative muscle instead of going unconscious and reacting with anger, worry or fear. What opportunity is being presented here? What lesson is being taught?

- I have lunch with a friend.
"Thank You Father That I Am Here Now." I focus my attention on the person in front of me- really listening to them and geniunely curious about what they are going through right now. As my attention wants to pull away from here, now to things I have to do later (in the future), I use my will to keep my attention focused here, now. I try to be fully present with that person while I am with them.

- After dinner, my 4 year old wants to play outside with me.
"Thank You Father That I Am Here Now." I try to see the world through his eyes. My attention wants to move on to "more important" things, or more pressing things than pushing a tire swing or kicking a soccer ball. Again, I have an opportunity to stay here, now and keep my attention focused on my 4 year old. There will be a better time to think about the challenges of the day and the to do list of tomorrow. This is a much more fleeting opportunity to be fully present with my son right now, right here in front of me. His playfulness is contagious and I laugh out loud.

- Later that night two of the boys start fighting over something and it goes to full out punching and kicking.
"Thank You Father That I Am Here Now." Emotions are running high- reactions are on automatic with the boys- no space between stimulus and response- unconscious reacting. Thank You Father that I can see that now- I'm sure there were many times when I was a boy that I couldn't and I was reacting just like I am witnessing by boys react here, now. I know that this will soon pass and I can watch with a healthy level of amusement and detachment. What a golden teaching opportunity there is here too! A smile in my heart and on my face as I pull them apart and encourage them to take some deep breaths. Some questions to ask: "How does it feel to be on auto-reaction pilot instead of in control?" "You hate your brother, is that really true?" "What could you do differently next time to avoid this?" I know that much of the teaching moment will be lost on them right now, but I also know that somewhere- it's being recorded and stored and will have an impact, and someday all too soon, they will be watching their own boys pulling punches over something and have the same smile in their heart and on the faces as they pull them apart.

I take a walk around the neighborhood with my wife after dinner.
"Thank You Father That I Am Here Now." What a beautiful evening. The air is cool, the breeze is fragrant with the sweet smell of orange blossoms in bloom. We hold hands and breath together and move together and talk together. It dawns on me that I am already in heaven- here, now. Thank You Father!

To me this is what it means to "pray always." I never really understood what that meant until I received this prayer and started using it. Of course like all great truths, there are many meanings to the principle of "pray always", but this is one meaning that I have found to be very practical and useful in my daily living.

Now what about when something really bad happens? A child is seriously injured. A business fails. A lower back disc slips and causes extreme pain for months. These are a few of the tougher challenges I've had to face personally and the little eight word prayer has helped me through those times. Fortunately that's about the worst that has happened to me personally. If anything "worse" happens in the future, I hope that the habit I have made of saying this prayer throughout the day, every day will carry me through even the toughest of times. I have learned by my own experience that this eight word prayer has the power to transform anything I've experienced thus far into a positive. That doesn't mean there aren't things that are bad or that I may wish were different, but it does mean that I can choose to create a positive meaning to anything that happens.

What are you going through now? Try it for a few days and see if it helps. Then share your experience.

Thank You Father That I Am Here Now.

John

Three Rhyming Words to Live Your Life By

One day, about a year or so ago, (it was actually August 14, 2007- I know because I wrote it down in my "Book of Inspiration" which is basically a hard bound blank paged notebook I keep to write down inspiring ideas and thoughts that come to me), the following words came to my mind:

DIVINE
ALIGN
SHINE

It was clear to me that these three rhyming words were a pattern for living an inspired and useful life- the life I believe we are all meant to live. My understanding of what they meant was clear to me in a way that couldn't be put into words. However, since this is a blog, I will try to do just that. These three words have become a master framework I can build my understanding of life on.
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DIVINE: This must come first. What this means is tapping into our true divine nature- or "TRUE YOU". That wise, experienced spirit that is who we already are- who we were before we were born into this body we now have and who we will be when this body returns to the earth. We are first "Sons and Daughters of God" and second "Sons and Daughters of Man". We are immortal beings in a mortal body- we are "Spirits having a human experience, not humans having a spiritual experience." There are many good ways to experience our own divine nature- we'll be discussing them in future posts- but the important part for now is to understand that KNOWING ABOUT our divine nature (through words in a book or sermon) is very different from KNOWING our divine nature by experiencing it for ourselves.

ALIGN: Once we have gained through our own direct experience a personal understanding of our true divine nature, staying aligned with that nature becomes the core of our "work" on a daily basis. There are many ways of doing this, and we'll be discussing them in future posts- but they all have in common a willing submission of our natural or physical will to the greater or higher will of "True You." It is very easy to get out of alignment just going through our day. The more frequently we can re-align, the more inspired and effortless our lives will be. By effortless, I don't mean no work- sit on the couch watching TV all day. I mean that life just doesn't seem like a struggle against odds anymore. It becomes a flow- like swimming with the current instead of against it.

SHINE: The ultimate purpose of aligning with our divine nature is so we can go forth and shine the light of that divinity to all around us. So called "enlightenment" is not about sitting under a tree or in a shrine and meditating all day (not that that is a bad idea for a day- or even an hour), but about going about life serving and lifting others in our path. As the old Buddhist saying goes: "Before enlightenment, chop wood and carry water. After enlightenment, chop wood and carry water". In other words, in some ways, nothing changes- we still have work to do, but in other ways everything has changed because the work is no longer about self, but about service. There are many great ways to "shine" and we'll get into some in future posts.

So that's it for this post- I just wanted to explain this 3 word framework upon which much of the rest of this blog's content will be built.

Thanks for your attention.

John

Do You Appreciate Your Ego?

As a follow up to the last post, I felt like I should go into a little more detail on the topic of appreciating the ego. I believe that a lack of appreciation for the ego combined with a lack of leadership of the ego by the Spirit is the root of most of our suffering and unhappiness.

First- let's just get clear on some definitions:

The Ego: The built in intelligence of the physical body- that auto-pilot/subconscious part of us whose programming is to create, maintain and extend physical life. When you read about our "subconscious mind" you can substitute ego for subconscious mind- they are one and the same. Ego just has taken on a somewhat negative connotation. It is the part of us that operates autonomously- without the need for our conscious control. It divides our cells, oxygenates and filters our blood, digests our food, heals our wounds, and much much more. In essence it creates, grows, maintains and preserves the physical body and the separate self (small "s"). In addition it is the realm of the automatic- the habitual. Your internal autopilot is a great analogy for the Ego. The Ego is that part of our individual consciousness that differentiates and classifies all things. It is a very deep layer of our consciousness just above the unified field of consciousness that unifies us all. It is the first level of consciousness that creates a seperate identity or "self" as distinct from the unified whole.

The Spirit: Who you were before you came into the body, who you are now in your body and who you will be when your current physical body returns to the earth from whence it came. Eternal and immortal. Never born, therefore can never die, or cease to exist or be. Connected to God and All Creation and to all other Spirit. Both separate and unified with your body, both separate and unified with all others and all creation. Already contains great wisdom and knowledge. Motivated only by pure loving kindness and joyful creation. A deliberate creator in partnership with God. Your internal guidance system that can lead and guide you in this earth life.
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The Ego has many needs- after the physical safety and security of the body are met, the needs extend to feeling part of a group or community, and then growing the self's power and influence over others and over the physical environment. Maslow's hierarchy of needs is probably the best summary of how the Ego works. However, it's deepest and often most unfulfilled need is the need to be appreciated. This need is deeper even than the need to be loved.

For example- if you ask divorced women if their ex-husbands loved them- most will tell you "Yes, I knew he loved me, I just never felt he appreciated me." I have a good friend who's wife left him recently and when I told him about this concept of appreciation, he told me "That's exactly what she said in our counseling sessions before the divorce! That she knew I loved her, but didn't feel I appreciated her!"

The Spirit doesn't need appreciation, love, acceptance or validation. It doesn't need anything. It already is all those things and more. The Ego, however, does crave, need and desire all those things. It ultimately can only really receive the love and appreciation it desires from the Spirit who has it to give in abundance. But the Ego looks for love in all the wrong places. Any place besides the Spirit is the wrong place. It looks for it in others- first parents, then friends, then spouses, then children, then the world at large. Always seeking outside what can only truly be found inside. "Ever seeking and never coming the a knowledge of the truth."

This external seeking nature of the Ego is where we tend to get into trouble. Because the need is insatiable when received from the outside. It is only satiable when received from the inside- from the Spirit. Even when the Ego does feel like it gets some love and appreciation from the outside- whether from parents, friends, spouse, children, work, money or the world at large, it is only temporarily satisfying, and it is easily lost. Like the man who thirsts and sleeping, he dreams that he drinks, but awaking finds himself thirsty still. So ever seeking and never coming to a knowledge of the truth, the Ego- if left un-managed, or poorly led, will continually seek love and appreciation and approval outside itself. If it doesn't feel like it's getting it in it's current relationship, it will go seeking for it elsewhere.

Here is the basic thought that the Ego loves to attach to- see if it sounds familiar:
- "My__________ (parents, husband, wife, boss, friend, partner) doesn't really appreciate me or understand me." So the search continues.

Here's the truth- No one else outside of your Spirit and God can ever really appreciate and understand you, which is precisely why you feel like they never do!

Now there are many happy marriages where the spouses do love and appreciate each other- and I highly recommend doing so because it makes for a great marriage. But the problem that many don't see is that because they are currently receiving love and appreciation from someone outside themselves, they still don't bother to get it from inside themselves- from the only insatiable and permanent source- their own Spirits and by literal extension, God. So when the stresses of life come as they do (because we believe and don't investigate stressful thoughts- but that is another topic), the love and appreciation received from the other person may fade or disappear temporarily and there we go again- the searching outside continues.

So, how do we stop the endless seeking and never coming to a knowledge of the truth? We simply awake to the reality of life that hopefully this post has helped accomplish. Once we understand what's really going on here, we can start to give our Ego the love and appreciation it so craves, while at the same time giving it loving guidance and leadership it also craves.

I like to think of the Ego as a child- a VERY INTELLIGENT CHILD, but a child nonetheless. What do children need? 1)Safety/Security, 2)Love and Appreciation and 3) Coaching/Leadership/Boundaries. The Ego is no different. In fact it is the reason that children need those things- because it is really the Ego needing those things- and it doesn't stop needing those things just because the body has matured from the childhood stage.

So here is what I find works. Throughout the day, notice a little more all the amazing things your Ego does for you. For starters, it completely runs the inconceivably complex processes of maintaining your body in good health and healing it when not in good health. So when I wake up in the morning, I (my Spirit) say to myself (my Ego) something like this:

"Thank you for a good nights sleep- I get to just sleep and you've been busy all night digesting food, dividing cells, filtering blood, cleansing the body of contaminates, circulating air, blood, and energy, restoring and healing damaged parts and reinvigorating my energy. What would I ever do without you? I would be dead that's what! So thanks again, I really appreciate everything you do for me!"

As you go through the day, just have a sense of gratitude and appreciation for everything your Ego does for you. When you go to the bathroom, "Thank you for knowing exactly what to keep and what to get rid of to keep this body healthy." When you eat a meal "Thank you for knowing exactly how to turn this meal into what the body needs."

When you notice the ego seeking love and appreciation outside of yourself (remember the ego is the domain of the automatic and habitual), gently remind it that it's seeking where it cannot find. For example, when a spouse says something cranky, rude or selfish, instead of reacting on autopilot ("no love and appreciation there- keep searching elsewhere") just say something like:

"Ooops, searching again where you can't find. That's just their Ego going on autopilot and reacting to their perceived stress. You know what that's like don't you. Besides, you've already got the REAL DEAL from me- your Spirit. Just let that comment go- it has no life of it's own unless you give it life by believing it. Let me (your Spirit) share with them (their Ego) the love and appreciation it craves until they can find their own inexhaustible source inside themselves just like you have."

I hope this helps you as much as it has helped me. This is a life long process of improvement, I don't claim to be a master and to never let my Ego go searching outside. But at least I am more awake to what's going on and can notice it happening which is a big change from not being aware, not noticing, and being on full reactionary auto-pilot.

Gratefully yours,

John

Our Multi-Natured Nature

I don't have to tell you that as a human being you are inherently "multi-natured". We all "know" this through our own direct experience. There are times you feel magnanimous, loving, kind and impossible to be offended. There are other times when you feel depressed, angry, self-indulgent, petty or easily offended. This internal conflict between multiple natures is so basic to the human experience- it is what makes me just like you and you just like anyone else. And not just anyone else alive today- but anyone else that ever lived or ever will live on this planet (or any other planet for that matter). We are all equal in the sense that we have this common internal struggle to experience, understand, and if we're fortunate- learn to integrate and unify into a complete whole.

Learning to experience, and integrate our multiple natures is the very essence of the "human experience". And experience is a great way to describe it- because it can only be understood through experience- or I prefer to use another form of the word- experiment.

There are a multitude of names and descriptions for this "multi-natured" phenomenon:
- The cartoon version of the angel on one shoulder and the devil on the other
- Freud's Super Ego, Id and the Ego.
- "High self" and a "low self"
- Spirit and Shadow
- Yin and Yang
- Spiritual Man and Natural Man
- The native American "Two Hungry Wolves"

I have no doubt that every culture that ever existed has some analogy to attempt to describe this basic fact of life because, as already stated, it is truly universal to the human experience.

So we know we have dual or multiple natures. Now what? Are we supposed to go to battle inside and eliminate one, or just reach a truce. Is it a sort of "cold war" inside us that we have to battle our whole lives?
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These "war within" mindsets stem from the belief that our "lower" nature, our ego, or choose whatever analogy you want, is something that needs to be hated, feared, battled, subdued and extinguished if we are to live a happy or "saintly" life. But is it really true that our so called "lower" nature should be eliminated? Could it be equally as true that we shouldn't try to eliminate our lower nature, that it actually serves a useful purpose?

As I've studied this in my own mind and through reading the writings of many other philosophers and prophets throughout time, I've come to the conclusion that our so called "ego"is there for a reason- a very good reason. What reason is that? To preserve and extend physical life. I don't believe God makes mistakes. Our "ego" is very misunderstood by our rational mind. I imagine the ego just chuckles at our demonizing it- knowing all along that without it, our physical body would immediately die. To me the "ego" is much more than just our sense of identity or our pride. It is that part of us that is responsible for maintaining, preserving and extending life. It does this at a "subconscious" level over which we have little to no control (thank goodness). It regulates our heart beat, digests our food, breathes in and out, maintains chemical, energetic and thermal equilibrium, heals our wounds, mends our broken bones, and divides our cells, all without requiring any conscious input from our rational minds. What an amazing program we come already coded with! All our rational scientific discoveries pale in comparison to the sheer power and perfection of our built-in "super bio computer" we sometimes call our "ego". The ego's programming is simple: protect, preserve and extend physical life. How it accomplishes this is anything but simple.

Now, it is also true that if left without "leadership", the ego's directive can cause all sorts of non-resourceful outcomes- jealousy, greed, violence, infidelity, crime, war- you name the vice or sin- it's underlying source is the un-managed ego trying to "protect, preserve and extend" that physical life over which it is programed to serve- typically at the expense or at odds with other egos trying to do the same thing.

I believe that instead of battling our ego or seeing it as "sinful", it is more resourceful to meet it with understanding and even gratitude for the important and irreplaceable role it plays in our very physical survival. Then it can become a friend and ally in our journey of life instead of an enemy that cannot really be defeated.

The ego- as powerful as it is, in many ways is like a child. It just wants to be respected and it also craves leadership in the form of boundaries. That leadership and those boundaries can temporarily come from outside sources like laws, cultural norms, parental expectations, rules, commandments, etc. But all of those sources are ultimately hollow and the ego knows it. The real leadership and boundaries that the ego will ultimately respect and obey can only come from within- from our Spirit- from the true captain of our physical ships we call our body.

So when you feel your ego getting the best of you by retreating from Unity and Connectedness to Self and Separateness, instead of battling it try telling your ego something like this:

"Ego, thank you so much for all you do to protect and maintain this amazing body. You're doing an amazing job and I don't thank you nearly enough. Without you, this body would be dead and I know it. So thank you and keep up the great work. Now, here's where the boundaries are in this case. I've been around a lot longer than this body has, and it's my job to be the boss of this life. Just trust me on this one- you'll be able to carry out your vital role more effectively if you follow my direction in this case. As the boss, I love that I can delegate so completely and effortlessly such complex things to you. I also love how you can be humble and obedient and see the big picture here." Use your own words- the point is to appreciate the ego for the important role it plays, but also provide the direction and leadership it actually craves.

So while it may seem like we have dual or multiple natures, in reality there is only one- there is only unity. Left and right brain are really just brain. Natural and Spiritual Man are really just Man. Light and Dark are really just one revolution of the planet. They are two sides of the same coin. The one without the other is not only meaningless, it's not even possible.

As we learn to "include and transcend" our multiple natures into a unified whole of body, mind and spirit we begin to discover what has been there all along- before our beliefs of separation came along. We discover our One True Self. One True You just rhymes better, so that's why I went with that. Now my amazing ego is telling me I need to go to sleep so it can do it's work better without all my silly philosophising getting in the way. Good night.

Humbly yours,

John

"One True You" Defined

OK- so what's with the name of this blog- 1trueyou.com? Well let me define what it means to me. "One True You" is how I choose to describe who we really and truly are at the fundamental level of Spirit, Mind and Body. To me our "true self" is a fully integrated, free-acting, awake and aware spiritual and physical human being that knows it is here by choice in time and body and place to be a joyful and beautiful part of eternal creation. That's a mouthful I know. Each part of that description could easily be the subject of a book, and even then it would not be a complete or even adequate description of our True Self. In truth our True Self cannot be confined to words. However, this is a blog and it's tools are primarily words- so I will have to be satisfied with the inherent limitations of words and hope that the deeper meaning underlying the words can somehow be felt and experienced by you the reader in a wonderful wordless way that helps you know for yourself the truth that is wrapped inside these words. The purpose of the blog is to explore in more detail the many facets of our True Selves- all so that we can become more of our True Selves and less of our conditioned or "believed" selves- more of who we really are and less of who we have come to think we are.

Here are a few elements of what I have come to understand for myself as our true nature.
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- At the level of spirit, we are immortal beings- pure spiritual intelligences that exist beyond time. Never born and therefore not capable of dying or ceasing to exist. We sometimes think of ourselves as mortal and believe that someday we will die. To me the truth is that we are already immortal beings that exist eternally (beyond time), but we are currently in mortal physical bodies that will someday "die." So it is only the temporary mortal body that dies, not us.

- Our immortal Spiritual selves are connected to and part of God and All That Is. We are connected to each other and to all creation. We already possess great wisdom and knowledge of eternal principles. We are both the created and the creator- the manifest flower and the life force that brings the flower into existence. We are both separate and individual and connected and unified. This paradox is only a paradox to the linearly constrained mind, and can only be understood through direct experience which is a big part of why we chose to come here, now.

- We came to this phase of existence by choice. Having existed in Spirit we reached a level of progression that could not be surpassed without willingly joining ourselves- our immortal spiritual selves to a physical/mortal body with all it's amazing strengths and weaknesses.

- Our physical bodies have built in to them an intelligence far beyond our mental abilities to comprehend. The intelligence that creates a new human body from the combination of male and female DNA, that grows into trillions of differentiated but integrated cells all working together to create this physical life we experience through our 5 senses, is something far beyond our powers of comprehension. That same intelligence grows and maintains the body without any conscious effort on our parts. It is a sort of auto-pilot that just goes about doing what it was programmed to do- maintaining and extending life while responding to continually changing circumstances.

- The immortal wisdom of our Spirits combined with the amazing physical wisdom of our bodies is what makes us Human- literally part heaven, part earth; part immortal, part mortal; part formless, part form; part changeless, part ever changing.

- All this power of Spirit and Body exists within us, but is not contained within us. It is the power of God, of all Creation that permeates all Life. We ourselves are like the fruit of the vine, that cannot live long without maintaining our connection to the Whole.

- The mortal nature of our bodies and the gullible nature of our minds- believing all sorts of things that just aren't true, create a sort of "web" or "matrix" of perception that is limiting. Over time we come to see ourselves as much much less than who we truly are, and believing that we live well below our potential.

-Poets and prophets alike have expressed as well as can be expressed in words this condition. You yourself have most likely experienced a feeling of living well below your potential and have also experienced brief glimpses of your true nature that left you hungering for more.

We'll go into this and much more as time goes on. Please stay tuned and contribute your thoughts as we go.

Gratefully yours,

John